And how unspoken emotions are quietly destroying your peace
There’s a weight in your chest you can’t quite name.
It sits there during meetings when your boss takes credit for your idea.
It gets heavier when your family makes comments about your life choices.
It throbs when your friends dump their drama on you—but never ask how you’re doing.
You feel it all, but you say nothing.
You’ve learned to swallow words the way other people swallow pills—quickly, regularly, and without question.
But unlike medicine, these unspoken words don’t heal you.
They poison you—slowly, quietly, one silenced thought at a time.
If you’re someone who feels deeply but speaks carefully…
Who has strong opinions but gentle responses…
Who burns inside while staying cool outside—
This is for you.
The Anatomy of Swallowed Words
Swallowed words don’t disappear. They accumulate.
Every “I’m fine” when you’re falling apart.
Every forced smile when you want to scream.
Every “It’s okay” when it’s definitely not okay.
These moments don’t just fade away.
They settle in your body like sediment—layer by layer—until they become:
- Chronic tension in your neck and shoulders
- Digestive issues that doctors can’t explain
- Insomnia from a mind that won’t shut off
- Emotional outbursts over things that seem small
- A constant sense of being misunderstood
- Exhaustion that no amount of rest touches
Your body is keeping score of every word you didn’t say.
Why We Swallow Our Words
The “Keep the Peace” Programming
Especially as women—especially as Black women—we were taught to keep the peace:
- “Don’t rock the boat.”
- “Be the bigger person.”
- “Kill them with kindness.”
- “Pick your battles.”
That survival programming helped us once.
But when peacekeeping becomes your personality, you end up abandoning yourself to preserve other people’s comfort.
The “Too Much” Fear
You’ve been told you’re:
- Too emotional
- Too sensitive
- Too intense
- Too much
So you became excellent at shrinking.
At managing your tone.
At softening your truth until it no longer sounds like you.
You mastered emotional regulation—so well that people forgot you have emotions at all.
The Caretaker Trap
You hold space for everyone.
You know how to listen, calm, fix, hold, and encourage.
But when it’s time to share your own needs?
You feel guilty. Selfish. Unreasonable. You’ve forgotten that you deserve space too.
The Cost of Constant Swallowing
Physical Symptoms:
- Tension headaches
- Nighttime jaw clenching
- Digestive problems
- Chronic fatigue
- Getting sick more often than usual
Emotional Symptoms:
- Sudden anger over little things
- Feeling disconnected from yourself
- Not knowing what you really want
- Quiet resentment toward the people you love
- Feeling unseen, even in relationships that “should” feel safe
Relational Symptoms:
- People-pleasing that leads to burnout
- Passive-aggressive communication
- Emotional explosions
- Constant misunderstandings
- Attracting people who benefit from your silence
3 Signs You’re a Chronic Word-Swallower
1. You Rehearse Conversations You’ll Never Have
You create perfect responses in your mind—
Sharp comebacks.
Honest truths.
Clear boundaries.
But when the moment actually comes?
You nod. Smile. Say “It’s fine.”
The hidden cost: You’re fluent in imaginary conversations—but feel powerless in real ones.
2. Your Anger Comes Out Sideways
You don’t say “I’m hurt.”
You slam cabinets. Get quiet. Snap over nothing. The hidden cost: You’re not unpredictable. You’re unheard.
3. You Don’t Know What You Want
You’ve gotten so good at reading the room, adjusting to everyone else’s needs…
that you can’t even answer simple questions like:
- “What do you want for dinner?”
- “Where do you want to go?”
- “What do you think?”
The hidden cost: You lose your own voice in the name of being “easy to be around.”
How to Stop Swallowing Your Words
Strategy 1: Start With Low-Stakes Truths
Don’t begin with the conversation you’ve been avoiding for six months.
Start here:
- “Actually, I prefer coffee over tea.”
- “That time doesn’t work for me.”
- “I see it a little differently.”
These sound small—but they build your capacity.
Strategy 2: Name What’s Happening
Pause when you feel the urge to shrink or shut down.
Ask:
- What am I actually feeling?
- What do I want to say?
- What am I afraid will happen if I say it?
- Is that fear from now or from before?
Reframe: “This feeling isn’t wrong. It’s information.”
Strategy 3: Find Your Brave Voice
Your brave voice doesn’t yell—it tells the truth.
It sounds like:
- “I’m not okay with this.”
- “I need to talk about something that’s bothering me.”
- “That doesn’t work for me.”
- “I disagree.”
Reminder: Your voice doesn’t have to be loud to be powerful.
When Speaking Up Feels Impossible
If speaking your truth feels dangerous, here’s how to start:
- Write it out. Get the words on paper first.
- Talk to safe people. Practice with someone who won’t punish your honesty.
- Use “I” statements. Say “I feel…” instead of “You always…”
- Detach from outcome. Your job isn’t to change them. It’s to express you.
The Scripts That Change Everything
At Work:
- “I have a different understanding of this.”
- “That doesn’t align with what I’ve seen.”
- “I need to share some concerns.”
In Relationships:
- “That didn’t sit well with me.”
- “Can we talk about what happened?”
- “I felt dismissed in that moment.”
With Family:
- “That’s not my experience.”
- “I want to be honest about how that felt.”
- “I need you to hear me differently.”
A Real Story: When I Swallowed My Voice—Then Stopped
About four years ago, I was in a meeting with my supervisor.
I explained something—clearly. More than once.
She kept repeating, “I don’t understand.”
Then a white coworker said exactly what I had said. And suddenly—she got it.
No confusion. No questions. Just full understanding.
My blood boiled. I felt erased. Dismissed.
And like so many times before… I said nothing.
I told myself, “Don’t make it a big deal.”
But it was a big deal.
That moment stayed with me. It wasn’t just about that meeting.
It was about all the ones before it.
Eventually, I stopped swallowing my voice.
And I started building tools to help other women stop too.
Ready to Unswallow the Words?
If you’re tired of being the one who keeps it together
while everything inside you is falling apart—
it’s time to speak.
Start with the tools I created for people exactly like you:
🔹 The Words I Swallowed – $19
A real-world toolkit for people who stay quiet until they can’t.
🔹 Or get the full system in the Emotional Reset Bundle – $44
Includes:
🗣️ Say What You Mean – $27 – Real-time phrases, emotional check-ins, conversation guides
📝 The Words I Swallowed – $19 – Reflection prompts, scripts, and strategies to get your voice back
The Bottom Line
You don’t need to yell.
You don’t need to over-explain.
You don’t need to be anyone other than yourself.
But you do need to speak.
Because silence isn’t always safety.
Sometimes it’s just self-abandonment. Your voice is not too much.
It’s exactly enough.
And you don’t have to keep giving it away.